Escapism – reality or an illusion?

Image

 

 

Escapism – an activity to combat depression or an act of escaping the reality; various definitions but one ultimate outcome – withdrawal.

There are writers, authors and some very positive thinkers who quote escapism to be a positive endeavor. They believe, people engage themselves in pursuits to keep healthy and happy. Thinking about and absorbing harsh reality leads to depression and I couldn’t agree more. But, is running away a solution? Its just a temporary escape, hence the term. It’s becoming a growing tendency to remove ourselves from daily rigors of life in order to hide from a situation we refuse to combat. Escapism is good, but extremity gives it a negative edge, making all its seekers, weak and puny.

Every time I write something, it has a purpose. A purpose very well known to me but conceded from my readers. Today, I write this because I’ve been escaping life since such a long time that I fear, I may’ve been escaping myself all this while. This is where I want to begin, by un-escaping the reality of my life. By accepting myself for who I’m, by telling people, disengagement is not a solution, just a runaround your own self, until you’re chained in clutches of your own fears.

I was in class 1 and my favorite teacher was teaching us how to spell the word English. The blackboard had the first three letters penned down and all of us were screaming to make the fourth guess. Suddenly, my teacher quieted the class and asked sternly, ‘who said L?’ No answer. She asked again, ‘Tell me, who said L?’ No answer again and with that, the guessing game resumed. At the end, she wrote the fourth letter up there and looked at me. All I could do was look down at my hands in my lap. She’d known it was her favorite student to have made that guess and wanted me to say it out loud but I didn’t. I didn’t admit with the fear of being scolded in case I’d been wrong. Everybody made a 100 (okay, 25 :P) guesses and I made one correct one with no confidence to raise my hand. Then, I thought, it was some stupid irrational apprehension. Now I know, it was way more.

Sometimes I’m forced to wonder what it would have been like if someone had told me, ‘Its okay if you’re wrong, don’t stop trying.’ If I was taught to be confident and not racing to be right, always. If once, I’d not felt bad to accept a ‘No’ for an answer and eventually learnt to say ‘No’ when needed.

We are all running away from reality and ultimately, that has become the reality of our being. How sad is that? Engaging in recreation to avoid the worst of real life isn’t called escaping, it’s healing. But we don’t heal, we deny. Forever live in denial till the day we realize there’s nothing we gained out of the most precious gift of God – LIFE!

If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place. Closing your eyes never changes anything, it only gets worse by the time you open them again. Escape from one reality and you’ll land into another, run from that and there’s a third situation ready. It’s a vicious circle. Either spend all your life running or stand, and struggle to see that beyond a problem, is a solution. Be happy without illusions, happy for real.

And, don’t ever undervalue yourself. Confidence is relative, there must be a 1000 people looking upon you, wanting to be what you are. In the chase of being someone else, we also lose out on what we’re now, in this moment. I pledge to not run anymore, pledge to stay, face, fight and stand tall, pledge to not feel inferior ever again. Life is like a game of Mario; the dragon is the easiest to kill. You should just know where to shoot J

I realized it the hard way, very hard way. I hope you wouldn’t reach that level. FACE IT, because you know you can!

 

Love always.

 

Hello Happiness!

Image

 

A very not-so-wise person once told me, the word happy has enough power to make you beam. The very mention of it should brighten you up and widen your smile. Guess, that’s the only smart thing ever said by him.

 

Our measures of happiness differ from each other a great deal. Most of us believe happiness is directly proportional to how much money we’ve at spare. Other’s think money can’t buy happiness. And I believe, money is important to live a healthy life or rather to put you amongst the factors that make you happy for real.

 

I don’t think financial health does more, once it has satisfied your physiological needs; then why the obsession with getting rich? Call it jealousy, competitiveness or dismay; it all depends on someone who’s doing better than us. In this perpetual run for being better, we’ve become slaves to our own selves, to our own needs. It’s no more just about satisfaction, but about winning. Material wealth has become the mover for fueling new aspirations and dreams. It’s time we accept; money is not the foundation for our well-being, just a facilitator.

 

There’s more to life that makes one happy. Starting with family, people we’ve come to regard as unimportant are still the ones who’ve made us happy in most ways. At the end of a long working day, a pay cheque wouldn’t make me happy until I’ve someone to buy gifts for, a drink won’t cheer me up until I’ve someone to share it with. It all comes down to people. Our basic instinct is to be selfless. Maximum of us have gone way ahead of it and hence none of us are really happy.

 

A fellow blogger once pointed out the biggest mistake I was doing in life, looking for positivity around. Happiness and positivity are correlated and they are never around you, the source lies within. Concentrating on the negative factors is a complete no-no and so is worrying. It’s an annoying human habit involving thinking about future all the time. Enjoy the sunset while at the beach instead of planning a visit for the next day’s sunrise. Most often, things we worry about aren’t that bad, thanks to the complex human brain, we make them worse. If worrying solved even half the problems I’ve in life, I’d spend my entire life curled up in bed, depressed and worried! Apart from future, a lot of us tend to live in the past as well. Dwelling something you can never change makes no sense to me; does it make any to you? Fell hard? Get up, learn, move on and look ahead. That’s how we roll!

 

I’m writing more out of self-realization than anything else. I’ve seen so much of negativity, depression (unfortunately, suicides too) around me that it kills me for not being able to help. Too late to study psychology: P but I’m doing my best to stay happy and help the ones who need to be happy. Beginning with throwing some light in that dark tunnel. Expression is the key to happiness. Let yourself out, put yourself amongst the world and you’ll know, it’s not that bad a place to live in J

 

For everything you’ve missed, you’ve gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something else. It’s about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice!

 

Love always.

Indian Marriages!

 

Image

Marriage, a sanctioned union of persons who commit to one another, forming a bond for a lifetime! The very sound of it scares me, what about you?

 

We live in a society where, marriage is a boon and divorce a curse; yet, we do not have enough freedom to select a ‘boon’ of our choice. How fair is that! Indian society has a very different meaning to marriage. We not only marry a guy to a girl but a family to other. The seven rounds, a pinch of red sindoor and a black-gold thread ties two families into a relation, which eventually becomes more significant than our blood links. But all this requires two people to sacrifice their lives (Yes, sacrifice), for someone they barely know. I’m not anti-arrange marriage; I just don’t support how it is carried out.

 

Arrange marriages, a system where we first exchange biodata’s and pictures followed by girl’s family meeting the guy, guy’s family meeting the girl before the guy and the girl get to meet, for a very short period of time. How is one supposed to judge a person by an hour-long exchange of glances, thoughts and blushes? It’s a decision for a lifetime; I wouldn’t even want to go on a date without knowing a bit about the person. Most of the married couples are generally happy, and it’s because they love each other, but that doesn’t change the fact they were never in love with each other. If the meeting ritual actually manages to reach the last stage, there’s very little scope to ‘reject’ the person. Of course it hurts them and supposedly your family image is tarnished. Wow! So, if I meet a guy someday because my parents, family and extended family think he’s worth marrying, I get two situations. Either I like him or I don’t. If I like him I’d probably say yes and things proceed but if I don’t I again have two options. Either I compromise like a typical Indian woman and say yes or I say no. The former could prove to be a disaster while latter WILL be a disaster. “Oh, she rejected him? Today’s generation I tell you!” And that probably will make it impossible for me to get a guy of my dreams. Bloody ‘log kya kahenge’ has spoilt more lives than recession in our country!!

 

Peculiarly, most of these arrange matrimonies do succeed after all. Thanks to the ‘compromising and sacrificing’ genes every Indian has inherited. And there are a lot of them, which do not succeed and end up in divorce – another disgrace in our society. I don’t understand, what is wrong with one getting out of a relationship, which doesn’t work, and starting life again? We all deserve second chances, don’t we? If you’re a divorcee, you will hardly find a woman who hasn’t been married before until she has some major disability, which an able man isn’t ready to accept. Yeah, being divorced equals being disabled in India. Such a shame. And yeah, if you’ve a child, you’re likely to not be married that easily after all.

 

Marrying someone too young is not acceptable, marrying an older woman is a sin, marrying somebody outside caste is a crime, let’s not even get to religion. Sometimes, I’m forced to wonder, “Why even bother marrying?”

 

Another concern I’ll never understand is what has age to do with marriage? I’m just 21 and my father is already waiting for me to finish studying so that he can deport me to ‘my sasural’ because, supposedly this is my parent’s house and not mine. WHAT LOGIC!

 

I’m not against arrange marriages but I strongly feel everybody deserves a better chance to know the person they will be spending their entire life with. I love Indian traditions but when these very customs and rituals start eating up one’s life, they should be let gone off. That’s what I feel. God Bless us all!

 

Love always.

Celebrating life!

 

Colors of life!

Colors of life!

 

India is a very diverse country and I feel proud to have been brought up in such an environment. From weddings to festivals, we know how to celebrate it all! But are we doing enough justice to each other? To our lives? My thoughts follow..

I’ve been away from home for three years for under graduation and I’m sure I’ve seen more in those three years than I had in preceding 18 years of my life. I was brought up being taught to value people, appreciate and love. But that isn’t how this world functions I guess.

For one, I somehow always believe every person to be good. And I still believe that; the only difference lies in what or whom they are good to.  All of us are programed to be self-centered, we’ve been made slave to our own wicked self. Where is the appreciation in all this?

This time I celebrated Holi at home after three years and I was hell excited about it. Not just because it’s my favorite festival but also because I could finally celebrate it with my favorite people in my favorite ways but quite obviously, it didn’t go as planned. The adults in the community did not show interest in what we’d planned. Things have changed so much; people have changed so much. Are we still truly celebrating colors of life? Still celebrating each other? Why does everything always boil down to money and power? Guess I will never understand the logic.

There are certain people who hold a very special place in my life currently, and I really want to hold them in. And I don’t have a lot of good examples to look up to. Probably, it’s time for me to set one. All my life I’ve tried learning from other’s experiences, looked up to amazing people in my family but it never helped. It’s so disappointing how we always fail to say the right things in the right time. If you love someone, why can’t you just tell them? Why hide it behind your ‘anger’? Not everybody understands the hidden emotions and it all goes to waste. Say it before it gets too late; all of us need to know we’re loved.  We need to hear it from the right people.

I decide to walk against the so-called rules set by the so-called society. I want to be part of a generation that celebrates life, people, and love. I want to be remembered for who I was, not for what I’d become. I want to create an identity and retain it, not just live by my last name. I want to be me, because, that’s all I can be!

Love always.